Every woman out there fears the thought of a first date and, in anticipation, spends countless hours rehearsing things to avoid on a first date. And yet sometimes the phone just won’t ring the next day. Ah, the joy dating anxiety! Nothing like it. But while we tend to create reasons behind first date disasters (like “he must have lost his phone” or “maybe he’s too afraid of his feelings”), in reality a little corner in our pretty little heads knows exactly why the phone isn’t ringing: we probably forgot one or two things to avoid on a first date and managed to scare off our date. Let’s play it back, shall we?
1. THE PERFECT FAMILY
A nice, romantic Italian restaurant in Little Italy on a Saturday night; a small corner table with a white candle; conversation flows and sparks fly; it feels right and you feel you might just have met the one. Finally a man who understands me, you tell yourself. And so you tell him about your strong desire of getting married before you’re thirty and how you want two beautiful children, Ethan and Lola. Oh and how you will go camping in Yosemite with the kids and Henry, your dream golden lab. And he nods and smiles from across the table and tells you how amazing that sounds. But truthfully, nothing scares off a guy more than being a mere player in a pre-organized game board.
2. CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’
You have dreams of moving to Los Angeles and becoming a movie star and can’t wait to get out of town and never look back. You planned your move carefully, put together a timeframe and are working diligently towards your goal. Of course you are excited and you want to scream from the top of your lungs that soon you will be working alongside Brad Pitt. But perhaps telling your date that you have no intention of being around for long is not the best way to start off a relationship. Besides, I always like to say that plans are meant to be broken so I would keep that in the vault for a little while.
3. PAGING DOCTOR LOVE
If you must know one thing about men, one thing alone, please know that men strongly dislike being the recipients of unwarranted expression of inner feelings from women they barely know. It’s simply not who they are organically and their tolerance threshold towards women’s anxieties and fears is very low. Nothing screams drama alert to a man than having a woman talk his ear off about her emotional struggles on a first date. I personally am a strong proponent of never dumping emotional drama on men; use The Sisterhood for that – nothing bonds girlfriends like therapy sessions over wine.
Dating is definitely not the easiest thing out there; some manage to get really good at it and play it like a game. Others, like myself and the majority of women I know, struggle with trying to find a pattern in this big, giant puzzle. I found that what always worked for me was using my guy friends as my sounding board – and what I eventually found out was astonishing, a complete revelation: men are extremely simple creatures! So simple in fact that as long as you are kind and generous, manage to keep your emotions in check, and crack jokes with their buddies it’s all a slam dunk. Have you ever had any similar ground shaking revelations about men that completely changed the game for you forever? Let me know ladies, I’m taking notes!